Let's See What Prayer Can Do, Part 1

On Sunday I presented a prayer challenge to the church. I passed out small booklets, and asked them to write down 5 names - one of them being someone that has hurt them. Then they are to pray for a blessing for those people for 5 minutes every day, for 5 weeks. Also, I asked them to add the name of one person that we can lead to the Lord. In 5 weeks we will see what God has done. It is a simple thing, but it can also seem silly, or like a gimmick. That is not my intent. What I want is for all of us - myself above all - to stop looking at ourselves and our own circumstances, and to focus on others. I want to live God's word that commands that we love our enemies, and pray for them. And I want the blessings I pray for these people to be blessings that will not benefit me directly, or may in fact cost me.

Chosing the names was difficult, because there are so many more than 5 people I want to be blessed. But I think God brought the right names to the list. I will admit selfishly, I hope at least one person put my name on their list!

Also, starting Monday morning, we began praying before work, asking for help, strength, peace, better attitudes and for relationships in the midst of the stress. Monday it was just CAYA people and Joe. Today, I invited others. We didn't have everyone join us, but it was good to see several people who don't go to church regularly pray. I look forward to seeing what happens through all this.

I am doing better both emotionally and spiritually. Getting back on track with my daily devotions has helped. I am doing my best to lower stress by keeping up with housework so I don't feel overwhelmed when I come home. I bought good groceries - the first time in over 2 months - so my diet is better. I also am getting some exercise. Keith's truck broke down only one short month after we bought it, and we can't afford to replace it right now. So I got a bike. I am riding to and from work twice a day, and I have to admit, I feel better after only a few days of doing it. I still am work ing too many hours, but I have hope of surviving now.

While home sick on Friday, I begged God for relief, for some kind of answer. His answer was brief: Hold on. I don't know if I am holding on until something changes, or until a better job comes along. But this I know - I have to hold on. I have been on the edge of wanting to chuck it all and storm off in a fit. I can't do that, because I will lose more than just a job. I have to hold on, and I have to do it in a way that is pleasing to God.

We are told to do all things without complaining or arguing. Yet that is all I have been doing. I have been sinning, because my selfish desires were not being met. It may be true that these desires are reasonable and in fact necessary. I do need time with my family. I do need time to work on my sermons. I do need time to rest, to cook healthy meals, and just have a life. I do need the deadlines that are threatening to drown me to let up a bit. But complaining all the time and being angry about it is not fixing it. I want to believe my boss cares and is going to do something to help. I am not sure if he even realizes how bad it is. Maybe he does but there is nothing he can do about it yet. I don't know. But I'm going to be praying for my own attitude. I want to please God in all I say and do. My boss is not Jeff King. My boss is God, I want to do my best for Him even if it seems like it is too much for me.

The stress of the deadlines is the biggest problem. It presents a temptation that can be nearly irresistable. Last night, around 9 pm, I realized that though I had 11 cyanide samples on my batch, I only had results for 10. I missed a sample. I will confess with shame that I was seriously tempted to fudge a result for that last sample and turn it in. But instead I chose to please God, to have integrity. I figured out which sample was missed, and took the two and a half hours necessary to run it so I had valid results. It may not seem like much to any honest person. But I'm not that honest. I am a sinner who feels overwhelmed, and very much wanted to take the easy way out in order to lighten the load. Only God's gentle nudge kept me honest this morning.

I have been less critical and angry as well. I won't say I've been perfect. I'm still frustrated by the situation and terrified of what will happen next week when Joe goes on vacation. Tracy is learning some of his stuff to pick up the slack and I'm so very grateful for that. But there is still a chance that I'm going to be completely overwhelmed next week. I need a miracle from God before then. I need Him to completely change how I think, how I react. I need to stop thinking about what I want and how I feel and instead just hold on, as He told me to do. I need to hold on to His love, His presence, His strength, and His promise. This time will end. I just have to hold on.