Let's See What Prayer Can Do, Part 2

Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT
"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.""

I will admit to feeling discouraged. I know I shouldn't. The promises of God are true, but often we have to struggle through hard times first. The prayer is helping I know, but at the same time things feel so very, very wrong.

I am rather amazed that I have had the courage to ask people to pray - even those who don't go to my church. Every morning at 8:10 we are having a brief prayer for help, mercy, and for attitudes and relationships. We have only done it since Monday, and that day I limited it to just CAYA people. Tuesday, I reached out a bit more. Yesterday I asked everyone except the upstairs people and Volatiles - because poor Volatiles people can't come into our area. People are actually coming to pray. I don't know if it is just politeness, curiosity, or if they really do want to pray. I hope it is the latter. But the question burning in my mind is, what will the results be?

If things get worse instead of better, will those I am hoping to reach with the gospel end up discouraged and turning from God? If things get worse only for me, but better for unbelievers, am I willing to make that sacrifice? I don't know how much endurance I have. It ebbs and flows. Right now, I have little left.

Yesterday was a long, hard battle with samples that were completely unpredictable despite the histories we have on them. I had to run about 40 of them over again. And most of this was because they were so dirty they were completely messing up my baseline. I should have been done with the run by 5 pm. Instead I was there until 8, nursing along my struggling instrument and trying to get results within range. I felt a sense of victory getting them all done and reported, but it wore me out.

Today went well as far as samples go, but I can't do much now until Joe is done with the distillation rack. He has tons of ammonia by titration samples to distill, and I have a handful of low level ammonias I have to distill and read on the probe. For me to do my stuff would keep him from doing what he has to do, so I'm home now, and will go back in at 5 pm, after Joe is done. It will mean a late night, but it also gives me a much appreciated break in the middle of a frustrating day.

It was frustrating because my son got hurt. He has made it known for a while that he is wanting to work at Keystone full time. Many people have told his boss that he does great work, that we need him full time. Yet he is only being scheduled part time. This morning, when Joe and I had to wash our own glassware because Scott is only working part time, and wasn't there yet today, I mentioned this to Jeff. He said he would talk to Scott's boss. An hour later, a 16 year old boy was in the dish room with Scott, being trained by him.

I suppose more help is good, and I appreciate a company that is willing to give kids a job - those are hard to find. He is the son of a family friend of my boss, and it is a very kind and generous thing for him to let this boy work here for the summer. But this hurt Scott. He does great work, and needs a full time job. Nobody has told him anything about another part time worker. They won't guarantee that he will get more hours - or even the same level of hours he has been getting. Just a short while ago, his boss told him that he had gotten complaints about his work - which is so very untrue it still makes me angry every time I think about it. In short, they are giving him no sense of security, and giving the impression that they don't care if he stays or leaves.

I know full well that when we enter into spiritual battle, things get tough. They can get personal. The problems at my workplace are not just human problems, but spiritual. The human problems of being overworked, under appreciated, and treated with disrespect are real. But the bigger issues are the spiritual problems of selfishness, pride, anger, bitterness, and perhaps greed.

We who are Christians are being beaten down with intense stress to the point where we have all but abandoned our call to reach the world. All we want to do is survive. And sometimes we find that we are not surviving well at all, but instead are falling far short of the Christlike behavior we should have. I am the worst of all, and I am ashamed. There are people in the lab who do not know Jesus, and who are surely not impressed by the complaining, bitterness, and anger that is so common.

The thing is, this battle is not just about our preferences, our comfort, or our job satisfaction. It really is about lost souls. And the enemy is taking us out by destroying our peace and joy. We are now fighting the battle with prayer, every morning. My attitude had been better all week - until this happened with Scott.

Why does this have such a profound effect on me? Because my son is one of the souls I'm fighting for. All through my ministry, it has seemed that the enemy attacks my kids, and frankly I am sick of it! This is my boy! He is off limits!

He deserves respect, he needs to know his value. I fear that he will feel abandoned and betrayed not only by his boss, but ultimately by God. More than anything else in this world, I want my children, my own flesh and blood, to know the love of God. I can't bear the thought of spending a lifetime trying to build the kingdom of God, only to see my own kids on the outside.

I know that God had great plans for Joseph, but first he had to be sold into slavery. I know Daniel had to face the lion's den. I know that so often, God has amazing plans that are only fulfilled by first going through what seems like disaster. And so...I am going to hold on. I will hold on for my own sake, and for my son's sake. I will hold on for all the souls at Keystone who do not have a relationship with Jesus. I have a very weak grip right now though, so I am trusting that God is also holding on to me.