Struggles and Answers to Prayer

⁵ Then, teaching them more about prayer, he used this illustration: “Suppose you went to a friend’s house at midnight, wanting to borrow three loaves of bread. You would say to him, ⁶ ‘A friend of mine has just arrived for a visit, and I have nothing for him to eat.’ ⁷ He would call out from his bedroom, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is locked for the night, and we are all in bed. I can’t help you this time.’ ⁸ But I tell you this—though he won’t do it as a friend, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you what you want so his reputation won’t be damaged.

⁹ “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks.

¹¹ “You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? ¹² Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! ¹³ If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.”

Holy Bible : New Living Translation. 1997, c1996 (electronic ed.) (Lk 11:4). Wheaton: Tyndale House

.

A week ago Friday, I had an answer to prayer.  It seems like a silly thing, but it was very important to me at that time.  You see, I had just read this passage that morning, and was struggling with all it says.

I didn't have good parents.  My needs were not only unmet, they were disdained.  My entire adult life, when I have read this passage, I wonder...what happens to those of us who DID get the snake instead of the fish, and therefore learned that nobody can be trusted?

(Admittedly, I'm seeing this from the eyes of a hurt child, not a good parent.  I would never treat my own children in such a way, and my perspective is totally different when I see this passage as Jesus stated it.  If my kids ask me for something, I'd move heaven and earth if possible to get them what they need.)

On Thursday, I ran into a problem at work.  I needed to run a test on a city water sample, but the sample was nowhere to be found.  I spent about an hour in a walk-in cooler, about the size of an average bedroom, looking for it.  I was frozen, and still without my sample.

On Friday morning, I read this passage, and perhaps foolishly decided to test God.  I told Him I really needed that sample, it was gone, and I was desperate.  Because the sad truth is, even if the sample is missing, if the results aren't in, I am the one in trouble.  

I prayed a ridiculously childish prayer, explaining that really, much more was at stake here than getting these results in on time.  What was really at stake was my ability to trust.  So many painful things have happened over the past few years in ministry, my faith has been shaken to the core.  I needed some evidence that God really does care about me.  I needed God to give me that sample.

The first thing I did when I got to work was to go into the cooler.  I didn't even go to my lab first to get my lab coat.  And sure enough...the sample was still not on the shelf it was supposed to be on.  So I prayed again, and started looking on all the shelves again, even though I had done that several times the night before.  After about 5 minutes, I found the sample, sitting all by itself at the back of a shelf, nowhere near where it was supposed to be.

I was stunned at first, and must have checked the numbers on the label a dozen times to make sure it was really what I was looking for.  Then I knelt down on the freezing concrete and thanked God for His answer.

I didn't realize just how important that answer to a simple prayer was going to be until the weekend, but God surely knew.  

On Sunday evenings I was in the cooler, getting some samples that needed to be set on a digester overnight, so I could run my tests for results due on Monday.  I can't really explain what happened, except that I had some sort of flashback from past abuse.  I had an intense panic attack, then I "forgot" what I had just thought of.  It is strange to say that I can remember forgetting, but I can't remember what I forgot...never mind...I'm confusing myself!

Anyway, whatever that was, it has left me off balance all week long.  And all week, despite the pain and confusion and panic, I have remembered these verses and God's answer to a seemingly meaningless request.  If God would listen to me, and help me when all I needed was to find a lost sample, then He surely knows what is going on now, even when I don't, and He will help me.

At times like this, God's promises can be like sand on the beach.  There is an endless supply, but when I try to grab onto it and hold on to it, it just seems to slip through my fingers.  But I can bury my hand in the sand, and then it is surrounded by it on all sides.  I can't grab God's promises and hold them and make them work how I want them to.  But I can bury myself in them and just wait this out.