Miracles do happen, and healing from abuse is possible! I may have experienced the greatest evidence of this in my own life just last night. The treatment for colitis is bringing up some very traumatic memories. The typical pattern is that when this issue resurfaces, I have nightmares, and often even flashbacks. I'm into day 4 so far, and this hasn't happened.This is a huge step in healing for me.

In fact, I had a pretty amazing dream last night. I woke up about 3:30 (due to minor pain, not as bad as it has been.) I was dreaming when I woke up. I can't remember the context of this dream, but I was saying again and again "Yeshua Hamashiach." This was pretty incredible, because it is not a name I'm familiar with. I know the name Yeshua very well. It is Jesus in Hebrew. But though I have heard Hamashiach before, and I know that it is His title Messiah or Christ, it is not a word that I claim to know. In fact, it took several hours of hard thinking and an internet search before I could even remember what the name was!

This is an amazing sign of recovery. I'm facing one of my most violent, humiliating memories, and instead of having nightmares and flashbacks, I wake up from a dream where I'm praising my Savior - even when I'm in the middle of an attack of pain! It just isn't possible to doubt that Jesus does miracles, and that healing is possible, when things like this happens.

This week, with the pain I've been in from my colitis, has been very stressful. One of my weaknesses is that when I'm stressed, I'm very vulnerable to temptations.

One of my constant struggles is to be honest when things go wrong. I faced that challenge this morning, when feeling far too weak to deal with it.

I found a mistake on a data report. I was adding something to a sheet from over a week ago, and noticed that what was in the computer did not match up with what was on my data sheet. I typed in that a sample was run at a 10X dilution. My sheet - which is correct - said it was a 20X. So the client got sample results that were half of what they really were.

It's crazy to think that this could effect me as much as it did. But for some reason, these things always do. I had a moral decision to make at this point. I could ignore it and hope the client never realizes that something is wrong. If they do complain later that their data isn't what was expected, I could pretend I had not noticed it now. Or I could go to my boss, admit I made a mistake, and have them send out a corrected report.

It seems like such an easy decision. It should have been. But the terror I experience whenever I make a mistake just won't go away. I battled the temptation for a few minutes, and then realized that I am not my own. I can't afford to protect myself. The quality of the data is our company's reputation. More importantly, my honesty reflects upon my God. If I believe what I preach, I have to live it out even when it scares me.

I talked to my boss. He wasn't thrilled, but he wasn't mad either. You'd think by now I'd know this is what will happen.

I am so grateful for the work of the Holy Spirit in this. I'm fairly certain that a few years ago I would have taken the easy but dishonest way out.