Psalm 42

1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.

2 I thirst for God, the living God. When can I come and stand before him?

3 Day and night, I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?”

4 My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God, singing for joy and giving thanks— it was the sound of a great celebration!

5 Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and 6 my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember your kindness— from Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan, from the land of Mount Mizar.

7 I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.

8 Through each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.

9 “O God my rock,” I cry, “Why have you forsaken me? Why must I wander in darkness, oppressed by my enemies?”

10 Their taunts pierce me like a fatal wound. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

11 Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!

This is one of those days when the unexpected happens, and I feel sad, hurt, and abandoned. It was nothing intentional, nothing that should mean anything at all in the long run, but still emotions run deep. And my default response when I hurt is to feel that God has abandoned me. My natural response to that is to withdraw from Him. The result is an ache and a loneliness that defies description. The hollow feeling in my heart tells me that life no longer has any meaning or purpose. All this because I didn't get my way!

Some wounds are deeper than others. Some are objectively horrifying; some, like this one, are fairly insignificant. All can lead to this wrong response, that draws me away from God. It is so natural, it happens without my even thinking about it.

This time though, I did think about it. And the conclusion I came to is that I simply cannot withdraw from my God. When the Bible says that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, that was no mere figure of speach. Jesus is indeed the source of my life. When I hide from Him because of fear, pain, or a lack of trust, I cut myself off from life itself, and my spirit withers and dies.

I don't want to repeat this pattern. I need Jesus. I long for Him, thirst for Him. I simply cannot live one second without Him. I may be discouraged right now, but this disappointment is not the end of the story. I will put my hope in God. I will remember His kindness, and I will praise Him again, because He alone gives me life.