At the Last Supper, Jesus told Peter that he would betray him.  Peter objected strenuously - he would die before he betrayed Jesus!  Jesus told him that in fact, before the rooster crowed that very night, Peter would deny Him three times.

After the dinner, Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane with His disciples to pray.  While there, Judas came with the soldiers, to arrest Jesus.

Peter was ready to fight.  He meant what he said earlier - he was fully committed to the cause of Jesus, and was willing to die for Him.  He pulled out his sword and cut off the ear of one of the soldiers.

Then something Peter never expected happened - Jesus told him to put the sword away and let Him be arrested.   Adding to the shock, Jesus healed the soldier's ear.

Later that night, just as Jesus had predicted, Peter denied that he was a follower of Jesus', and in fact denied that he even knew Jesus.  When the rooster crowed immediately after his third denial, Peter realized what had happened, and was heartbroken.

How did this man go from a zealot ready to die for the cause, to someone who wouldn't even admit he knew Jesus, in just a few hours?  

For years I assumed that Peter had overestimated his courage and devotion.  He thought he was ready for battle, but he was wrong.  When the time came to take a stand, he ran instead.  He needed the power of the Holy Spirit to have the courage he clearly lacked.

Recently though, I have realized that this is a wrong interpretation of what was happening.  Peter was courageous, and ready to die for the cause.  The problem was he had the wrong cause.

Peter was expecting a coup, a violent overthrow of the Roman oppression.  When the soldiers showed up, he was ready for a fight.  What happened to Peter that night in the garden was not the exposure of cowardice.  Instead his world was turned upside down.

He had devoted the last three years to this man Jesus.  He was convinced He was the Messiah.  Sure, Jesus said some weird things over the years...things about suffering and dying.  That didn't make much sense for a political conqueror, but somehow it would all work out.  Because one thing he knew for sure - the Messiah could not lose!

Yet instead of fighting, his Messiah was surrendering!  This did not make any sense to Peter.  Everything he thought he was signed up for he was watching go down the tubes in just a few moments.

In his confusion, Peter felt lost.  He couldn't fight...but he couldn't surrender either.  He was ready for a glorious death in battle, but he wasn't ready to lay down his life for what seemed at the moment to be nothing.  So he followed...and watched...and when confronted, denied that he was a follower of Jesus.

It is so easy to follow the wrong plan.  Over the years there have been many times when I thought I knew how things should go.  I was ready to conquer the world for Christ.  When things didn't go the way I anticipated my faith was shaken.

How could Jesus let this happen?  He is the One who called me to ministry.  Why would He allow what seemed like disaster?  How do I believe that Jesus is my Savior when He keeps letting me down?

The problem is, I wasn't following Jesus, I was following my own ideas, based on a mix of my own dreams and aspirations, and a bit of Scripture thrown in to attempt to manipulate God into doing things my way. 

What seemed like disaster was really salvation.  Because God used those times to purify me, strengthen me, and help me to find His real plan.

I don't fish.  I grew up around Chicago, and for me, "fishing" meant going to the local supermarket and finding a box of fillet, breaded, deep-fried, and then frozen fish sticks.

 

A couple years ago, some men in my church took my son on a fishing trip.  Scott came home with a bucket of nasty, slimy, smelly fish.  Neither he nor his mother had any idea what to do with them, so one of the men deboned them, and filleted them.  He then taught me how to cook them.  I was quite amazed to discover that those fish were a huge improvement over my frozen food variety!

Jesus has called us to be "fishers of men."  So many in the church think that is a fine idea, as long as we can do my Chicago suburb style of fishing.  We go out into the world and find some already cleaned up, civilized people, get them saved, and then celebrate with a fish fry!

The problem is, fish - and sinners - are not clean, sweet-smelling creatures.  They are messy, smelly, and they tend to flop around a lot trying to get back into their comfort zone.  Fishing may seem like a relaxing hobby, but actually catching fish takes work and a strong stomach.

Going out into a world of sinners, where immorality is rampant, jokes are crude, language is offensive, and violence is the norm is not a comfortable endeavor.  But just like a typical fisherman doesn't see fish launching themselves into the boat so they can be taken home and fried up for supper, the church doesn't often see "sinners" breaking down the church doors to get inside.  

To the contrary, they seem to understand that they don't fit, and they feel unwanted.  It should not be that way.  If we are going to learn to be fishers of men, we need to accept that fish will be fish.  

We need to look beyond the filth of sin and see the person underneath it all.  That person is someone Jesus loves so much, He died so that He could spend all of eternity with him or her.  The temporary mess that goes with ministering to the lost is well worth a few moments of discomfort.

What's in a name?

Lately I have been thinking about what my name means.  The reason for this is a conversation I had not too long ago with my mother.  She asked, "I've told you the story about how you were born, right?"  Well...yes mom, you have.  I know the act of violence that led to my conception, I know how my father then tried to end my life by abusing you.  I've heard it before.

But I heard her say something new this time.  She has said it before, but for some reason it never sunk in until a few weeks ago.  She told me that she knew that there was something special about this baby she was carrying.  She wasn't a Christian yet, but still, she knew that God had a special purpose for that baby.  And on the way to the hospital for my birth, she said she told her mother, brother, and cab driver that the baby was a girl, her name was to be Sharon Ann, and all that mattered was that I be healthy.  She didn't know any of this until that moment in the cab.  It wasn't a name she chose, it was a name she just "knew" was right.

And for the first time I really heard the message of that story - I was named by God!  Surely this name must mean something!

So I did some research, and I admit, the results were a bit disappointing.  Sharon, according to most name dictionaries, means "A fruitful plain in Palestine."  Wow...I'm named after a nice piece of farmland.  Thrilling.  I extended my search, and discovered that Sharon is a derived from the Hebrew word "Sar" - to sing.  That is a bit better, I love music.  But I'm not a great singer, so as much as I like this idea, that can't be what God's reason was for giving me this name.

Another site said

"The name Sharon may have to do with the word  (shiryon 2466a), body armor, but why a plain would be named Body Armor is not clear. The coastal plain of Sharon was proverbial for beauty. Perhaps it reminded people of the shiny appearance of a soldier dressed up in full regalia.  The word above is a derivation of the untranslated root  (shrh 2463-2466), which lies very close to the untranslated but very attractive root (shrr 2469). This latter root yields the following derivations: (shor 2469a), umbilical cord,  (shera 2469b), bracelet, (sharir 2469c), sinew or muscle,  (sherirut 2469d), stubbornness. These verbally related items seem to be practically related by a general hardness or toughness, but that doesn't seem to be applicable to the Plain of Sharon right away. Perhaps an even deeper consistency lies in a general attachment; the umbilical cord, the sinew. Stubbornness may be stylized into a holding fast to "own counsel" (Jer 7:24), and both a bracelet and body armor are closely connected to the body. Perhaps the bracelet shows yet another form of attachment, namely between the wearer and the giver of it. Perhaps the Plain of Sharon was so beautiful that the inhabitants named it Attachment. That explanation would certainly connect to the bride of the Song, who deliberately identifies herself with a certain flower of Sharon."  

WikiAnswers says "Sharon is a name of Hebrew origin meaning " princess; the one who laughs" has a glowing personality, is contented with her life and one who inspires others to succeed."

The name Ann is a bit simpler.  It means "gracious, full of grace."  That name I like!

So let's see...I'm Sharon Ann - A singer (at least in my dreams!), a laughing princess with a glowing personality, reflecting the character of a beautiful, productive plain in Palestine.  I am to bring God's grace to people, and in doing so I will be fruitful.  I should be strong and stubborn as I do this.  I can't be distracted by the opinions and criticisms of others, I need to follow the leading of God's Spirit within my own heart.  If I have the interpretation right, this is a pretty good name!

In the Bible, God gave specific names to several people, and it always meant something important.  Isaac meant "He who laughs", a reminder of the doubt his parents had that caused them to laugh when the announcement of his imminent birth was made.  It also symbolized the joy he would bring his parents as that promise was fulfilled. 

Jacob's name was changed to Israel, meaning "He struggles with  God."  Jacob wrestled with God, demanding a blessing, before he met with his brother Esau.  He wouldn't give up.  Now an entire nation carries this name.

Zechariah was instructed to name his son John.  This name means "God is gracious."  This was a fitting name for the man who was to be the forerunner to Jesus.

Jesus changed his disciple Simon's name to Peter, meaning "rock."  Peter's faith in the fact that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, was to be a solid rock for building the church, a foundation that we all are building on, even now.

And Joseph was told to name Mary's baby Jesus, "The Lord is Salvation."  And He was to be called Emmanuel, meaning "God with us."  What a great name for a great Savior!

I know that not every child was specifically named by God.  My kids weren't, as special as they are.  We chose their names out of baby name books, looking for names that were attractive and sounded pleasing together.  I did look at the meaning of the chosen names.  Kristen means "Bearer of Christ."  Jocelyn means "lover of justice."  Those are pretty good concepts to name a child after.  But Scott means "tatooed one."  I certainly didn't name Scott with the hopes of him covering himself head to toe with tatoos!  I just liked how the name sounded.

But names given by God are special.  And there is a really exciting promise in the book of Revelation - as part of our salvation, God is going to give us new names, names that are meant just for us.  

"Anyone who is willing to hear should listen to the Spirit and understand what the Spirit is saying to the churches. Everyone who is victorious will eat of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it."

Re 2:17

There is hope in the name I have now, and I'm just learning what that hope means.  But this is exciting!  Someday, my Savior is going to hand me a beautiful white stone with a new name on it.  And that name is going to reflect all of His love for me.  It will clearly define me in Him.  It will be special, sacred.  I can't wait to find out what it is!

Psalm 139:1-18

¹     O Lord, you have examined my heart

and know everything about me.

²     You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my every thought when far away.

³     You chart the path ahead of me

and tell me where to stop and rest.

Every moment you know where I am.

⁴     You know what I am going to say

even before I say it, Lord.

⁵     You both precede and follow me.

You place your hand of blessing on my head.

⁶     Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too great for me to know!

⁷     I can never escape from your spirit!

I can never get away from your presence!

⁸     If I go up to heaven, you are there;

if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there.

⁹     If I ride the wings of the morning,

if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

¹⁰     even there your hand will guide me,

and your strength will support me.

¹¹     I could ask the darkness to hide me

and the light around me to become night—

¹²     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

Darkness and light are both alike to you.

¹³     You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴     Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it.

¹⁵     You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

¹⁶     You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed.

¹⁷     How precious are your thoughts about me, O God!

They are innumerable!

¹⁸     I can’t even count them;

they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up in the morning,

you are still with me!

New Living Translation

I am amazed at God's love.  The sheer delight expressed in this Psalm leaves me speechless.  How is it possible that the Almighty God, the Creator and Sustainer of the Universe, actually cares about me?!

I have always understood that God knows everything about me.  He knows what I do, what I say, what I think, and how I feel.  He knows my motives, even when I lie to myself about them.  I know quite a bit about myself too - and what I know tells me that I am such a mess, nobody should love me.  Especially not a perfect, holy God.  

How can He look at me, and not see me as a disappointment?  I was conceived through rape, unwanted by either parent.  My father made several attempts to end my life before I was even born.  My mother ended up in the hospital a couple times while carrying me.  Not only was she being beaten by my father, she also had a serious kidney disease.  It is a miracle I was even born.

God was helping me to grow, protecting me, making sure that I was not only born, but actually born healthy.  He had a purpose for my life, and these obstacles would not stand in the way.

A multitude of abusers shattered my trust, and my spirit.  But God loves me.  He always loved me.  From my earliest memories, I knew He was real, and that He was with me.  I remember making up songs about God, and dancing in my crib.  Such an odd thing for an unchurched little girl to be doing, especially when surrounded by violence and perversion.

As I grew older, I lost that sense of innocent acceptance.  In my adult logic I have demanded an answer to the question "Why?  Why did You let me go through such suffering?  How can You be good, and just, and fair, and holy, and still let the innocent be hurt?"

I want to say I have an answer to that question.  I have theories, partial answers, and a growing sense of peace, but I can't debate this issue with others who have the same question because I still do not understand why God lets some things happen.

God has never felt compelled to explain Himself to me, any more than He felt He had to justify His actions to Job.  But He has given me an answer.  It doesn't explain why He did anything.  It is a declaration of His heart.  

He loves me.  He created me.  He knows everything about me.  He has a plan for my life.  He thinks about me all the time.  I am His passion!  He loves me so much, He came to earth, suffered more than I ever have, died an agonizing death, descended to Hell itself, and then arose again, just so that I could be forgiven for all my sins and live in His presence for eternity.  

He loves me.  And He loves you.  More than you can ever imagine.

I drove through Parkersburg, Iowa today.  This is the town that endured an F5 tornado on May 25, 2008.  The south side of town was devastated.  While driving through, I stopped to take a few pictures of the rebuilding process with my cell phone.

The thing that has struck me most, both here and at the site of another F5 tornado in Plainfield, Illinois near where my parents lived (Aug. 28, 1990), is how the landscape appeared to be scoured.  (For a picture of the Plainville tornado destruction, see http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2325/2805425525_f2e8aee080.jpg?v=)  In the areas under reconstruction, there are virtually no trees left standing.  In one of my pictures, there is a tree, but the branches appear to have all been cropped.  This was at the northern end of the path of destruction.  South of this, there are no trees left at all. 

I took a picture of the construction going on at the school, and another of a bank that is having the entire front end of the building rebuilt.  I had watched a video on You Tube that this bank's security camera took as the tornado tore through the building.  I am amazed that with the power of that storm, even half of the building was left standing.

Tornadoes fascinate me.  I would like to see one someday - preferably from a very safe distance!  I'm curious, but I'm not foolish!  It is incredible to think that so much destruction can come from moving air.

I may never have seen an actual tornado, but there have been the equivalent of F5's in my life.  One moment all is well.  A moment later, devastation hits and I'm left wondering how everything can fall apart so completely, so fast.

In Parkersburg, the destruction isn't the end of the story.  Where a few months ago there was nothing but debris, there are now beautiful new homes and businesses under construction.  The same is true in our lives.  

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."  Storms come, and the results can cause all kinds of havoc.  But God is so sovereign, so amazing, that He can take the very worst that life throws at us, and use it to build something beautiful.  THAT is a power infinitely greater than the strength of an F5 tornado! 

Matthew 9:35-38

³⁵ Jesus traveled through all the cities and villages of that area, teaching in the synagogues and announcing the Good News about the Kingdom. And wherever he went, he healed people of every sort of disease and illness. ³⁶ He felt great pity for the crowds that came, because their problems were so great and they didn’t know where to go for help. They were like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷ He said to his disciples, “The harvest is so great, but the workers are so few. ³⁸ So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send out more workers for his fields.”

New Living Translation

Culture may have changed since the days of Jesus, but people haven't changed.  Our problems may look different on the surface, but when you get right down to it, the core of our issues are the same now as then.

It seems that even the most "together" people I know have problems they can't solve.  Issues involving finances, health, relationships or the past seem to be plaguing everyone...myself included.

I had a co-worker ask me today if I would pray for the Rapture.  She was joking...sort of.  Life is hard at times, and the desire to find the perfect escape can be pretty strong.  That is why addictions are so rampant.  A few moments of drunken forgetfulness can be the only relief some people get.

I don't know why life has to be so hard.  Why is it that as soon as one crisis passes, another is about to begin?  It is exhausting.  I've felt the cloud of despair settling over me too many times to count.

Every time I've felt hopeless, I felt completely alone.  I didn't know what to do, where to go for help, or even how to get up in the morning and face the day.

I knew I wasn't alone.  Not only did I have a wonderful, supportive husband, but I also had my Lord.  It would be so neat and easy to say that the problem all along was that I had wandered from Jesus, and this depression was the consequences.  All I had to do was repent and start praying and reading my Bible again and all would be well.  But the hard truth is that some of my darkest times were when my spiritual life was at it's strongest.  

God has always helped me to recover.  I can't really explain how, I just know that as I held on to Him and His promises, eventually the darkness faded and hope returned.  He was my anchor when life seemed to make no sense at all.

Why does God let me go through these struggles?  It seems wrong.  If I am close to Him, shouldn't life be full of peace and joy?

I think part of the answer is in this passage.  Jesus wants me to be like Him.  He wants me to see the hurt that others are battling, and to point them to the only real help there is.  Sadly, I am not as compassionate as Jesus is.  I want to be, but it doesn't come as naturally as I would like.  Having to go through hard times myself has made me more compassionate.

It is easier to offer advice than it is to offer empathy.  But having been on the receiving end of all sorts of spiritual-sounding nuggets of advice myself, I know just how much these well-meaning phrases can hurt when the person saying them isn't really sharing my pain.  Instead of easing my burden, it increased it.  I felt unheard, uncared for and judged, much like Job did when his so-called friends tried to help him.

But there were others who understood what I was going through.  Sometimes all a friend had to do was be there; no words were necessary.  I felt cared for, loved, and understood.  The problem didn't magically disappear, but it became easier to bear because of the empathy of a friend.  

And then, that friend could point me to the One who offers me real hope.  Often my attitude did need to be adjusted, or I had to repent, or I had to forgive someone who had hurt me.  But no preaching or lecturing was necessary.  I didn't need correction, I just needed compassion.  That opened a door to the healing work of Jesus.    

Because I have been hurt myself and was comforted by a compassionate friend who pointed me to Jesus, I can do the same for the hurting people all around me.  If I stop preaching, or throwing good theology at others, and just love them and point them to Jesus, I wonder how many lives can be changed?

Romans 4:4-8

⁴ When people work, their wages are not a gift. Workers earn what they receive. ⁵ But people are declared righteous because of their faith, not because of their work.

⁶ King David spoke of this, describing the happiness of an undeserving sinner who is declared to be righteous:

⁷     “Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven,

whose sins are put out of sight.

⁸     Yes, what joy for those

whose sin is no longer counted against them by the Lord.”

New Living Translation 

Verses 7-8 are a quote from Psalm 32:1-2.  David had sinned greatly with Bathsheba, and he knew all about shame and regret.  He also knew all about God's grace and forgiveness.

I have a lot of regrets.  I have sinned so much.  If I could turn back time and do some things over again, I would in a heartbeat.  The shame of my failures can be so intense, sometimes it takes my breath away.  Most of these failures are so private that nobody else even knows about them.  But I can't forget them.

The hope given in these verses, from King David's testamony and the teaching of the apostle Paul, is that God does forget them.  His forgiveness and cleansing is so deep and complete that if I take God at His word, I don't ever have to let the shame of the past weigh me down again.

David's sin was recorded in Scripture.  Everyone who has read the Bible for the past few thousands of years has known about his sin.  And yet, he was set free from the shame of it.  Sure, people may still label him an adulturer and a murderer.  But I don't know one single Christian who thinks of David in those terms.  They instead see him as God declared him to be:  a man after God's own heart.  

God forgave him, cleansed him, and called him righteous.  And this wasn't because of some great deed that David did to make up for his great sin.  There is nothing he could do that would ever make up for what he had done.  He couldn't bring Uriah back to life.  He couldn't give Bathsheba her purity back...or his own for that matter.  

No, David didn't do a thing to deserve what God did for him.  All he did was take God at His word.  He said that if anyone who sins would confess their sin, that He would be faithful and just, and forgive them of their sin.  David didn't just give a mental nod to this, he depended on it for his very life.

I can't imagine how he could have lived with the public exposure of his very worse sin, if he didn't have the comfort of knowing that God had forgiven him and declared him righteous.  He allowed God to take away his shame, and he didn't look back.  He moved on.  It is true that his sin had some lasting consequences.  But he didn't wallow in the shame.  He didn't try to hide it.  He didn't let it define him.  He belonged to God.  He was made clean and pure again.  

This happiness, this hope that Paul said David had, can also be mine.  It can be anyone's.  It only takes a moment to stop running from the shame, and instead confess it.  Repentance can seem so hard, because it hurts to own the shame that we rightfully deserve.  But the freedom it brings is soooo worth it!