What Prayer Can Do, Pt. 4

During our prayer time at 8:10 every morning at Keystone, I have been praying that we be able to get all our work done efficiently, so we are able to leave at a decent time. There is no question about it, God has been answering that prayer. I actually left work early today! I haven't been able to do that in months! I still have more hours logged in than I should for this week so far, but it was encouraging.

And this evening I had the time and energy to start my sermon for Sunday. For most pastors, just starting on Wednesday is a bad thing. For me lately, with all the overtime, this is a wonderful improvement! For the past couple months I was getting home around 9 pm, and was too tired to do much of anything. Sermon work had to wait until Saturday.

I am not sure if the 5 people I am praying blessings for are getting the blessings or not. But I have gotten an indication that at least one of those prayers is being answered. And one of our CAYA people has said she is seeing definite results. It is so exciting to see God work!

I have also noticed an increase in spiritual warfare as well. I don't want to go into specifics here, but it is real. The good news is, Jesus already won the victory! I refuse to give up, or give in.

Let's See What Prayer Can Do...Pt.

We are still praying at Keystone every morning at 8:10. It is a challenge just getting people together, because several of us have already been there for a while and are involved in work. But people are coming and praying, and it is exciting to me. What are the results? I'm not sure yet, it is still early on in this process. I do know my own attitude has improved. And I know that what I feared most during this week - trying to keep up with Joe's stuff while he was on vacation - is going better than I expected. I have to thank God for that, as well as Tracy!

There have been a couple awkward moments. Because we are all so busy, I try to keep the prayer time very brief. So, what happens when there is a customer in shipping and receiving, or like today, one of the bosses is there talking to staff? I have pressed on, praying with those who could participate anyway. Waiting is a bad idea, I can't keep people standing around for 15 minutes before we start. We all have obligations to get to. It's taking more boldness than I really feel I have to do this, but God is helping me.

As far as the personal prayer challenge we started at CAYA 2 weeks ago - to pray for a blessing for 5 people for 5 minutes a day - that one has had a dramatic effect on me, in two areas. One, I had let myself get so self-absorbed during this time of stress that my prayer life almost died. I am once again praying, maybe more than I ever have before. And the prayers are more full of faith, praise, and love, because I am not just whining to God about how wrong everything is.

Another amazing effect is forgiveness. Part of the challenge was that one of these 5 people be someone that hurt us. I have been praying for someone who hurt me deeply a few years ago. I have been asking that God be closer to her than ever before, that she experience true joy, peace and love in His presence. I don't know if that is happening for her or not, but it has certainly changed how I feel when I think of her. There is no more pain or fear or resentment. Only a desire for her to be loved by God. There is no question about it - prayer works!

The 3 of the other 4 people I am praying for seem to be struggling more than they are being blessed. I feel like they are caught in the middle of a battle between me and the enemy. But I know God is going to answer these prayers, He will bring blessings in His time. After all, it is only week 2.

Let's See What Prayer Can Do, Part 2

Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT
"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.""

I will admit to feeling discouraged. I know I shouldn't. The promises of God are true, but often we have to struggle through hard times first. The prayer is helping I know, but at the same time things feel so very, very wrong.

I am rather amazed that I have had the courage to ask people to pray - even those who don't go to my church. Every morning at 8:10 we are having a brief prayer for help, mercy, and for attitudes and relationships. We have only done it since Monday, and that day I limited it to just CAYA people. Tuesday, I reached out a bit more. Yesterday I asked everyone except the upstairs people and Volatiles - because poor Volatiles people can't come into our area. People are actually coming to pray. I don't know if it is just politeness, curiosity, or if they really do want to pray. I hope it is the latter. But the question burning in my mind is, what will the results be?

If things get worse instead of better, will those I am hoping to reach with the gospel end up discouraged and turning from God? If things get worse only for me, but better for unbelievers, am I willing to make that sacrifice? I don't know how much endurance I have. It ebbs and flows. Right now, I have little left.

Yesterday was a long, hard battle with samples that were completely unpredictable despite the histories we have on them. I had to run about 40 of them over again. And most of this was because they were so dirty they were completely messing up my baseline. I should have been done with the run by 5 pm. Instead I was there until 8, nursing along my struggling instrument and trying to get results within range. I felt a sense of victory getting them all done and reported, but it wore me out.

Today went well as far as samples go, but I can't do much now until Joe is done with the distillation rack. He has tons of ammonia by titration samples to distill, and I have a handful of low level ammonias I have to distill and read on the probe. For me to do my stuff would keep him from doing what he has to do, so I'm home now, and will go back in at 5 pm, after Joe is done. It will mean a late night, but it also gives me a much appreciated break in the middle of a frustrating day.

It was frustrating because my son got hurt. He has made it known for a while that he is wanting to work at Keystone full time. Many people have told his boss that he does great work, that we need him full time. Yet he is only being scheduled part time. This morning, when Joe and I had to wash our own glassware because Scott is only working part time, and wasn't there yet today, I mentioned this to Jeff. He said he would talk to Scott's boss. An hour later, a 16 year old boy was in the dish room with Scott, being trained by him.

I suppose more help is good, and I appreciate a company that is willing to give kids a job - those are hard to find. He is the son of a family friend of my boss, and it is a very kind and generous thing for him to let this boy work here for the summer. But this hurt Scott. He does great work, and needs a full time job. Nobody has told him anything about another part time worker. They won't guarantee that he will get more hours - or even the same level of hours he has been getting. Just a short while ago, his boss told him that he had gotten complaints about his work - which is so very untrue it still makes me angry every time I think about it. In short, they are giving him no sense of security, and giving the impression that they don't care if he stays or leaves.

I know full well that when we enter into spiritual battle, things get tough. They can get personal. The problems at my workplace are not just human problems, but spiritual. The human problems of being overworked, under appreciated, and treated with disrespect are real. But the bigger issues are the spiritual problems of selfishness, pride, anger, bitterness, and perhaps greed.

We who are Christians are being beaten down with intense stress to the point where we have all but abandoned our call to reach the world. All we want to do is survive. And sometimes we find that we are not surviving well at all, but instead are falling far short of the Christlike behavior we should have. I am the worst of all, and I am ashamed. There are people in the lab who do not know Jesus, and who are surely not impressed by the complaining, bitterness, and anger that is so common.

The thing is, this battle is not just about our preferences, our comfort, or our job satisfaction. It really is about lost souls. And the enemy is taking us out by destroying our peace and joy. We are now fighting the battle with prayer, every morning. My attitude had been better all week - until this happened with Scott.

Why does this have such a profound effect on me? Because my son is one of the souls I'm fighting for. All through my ministry, it has seemed that the enemy attacks my kids, and frankly I am sick of it! This is my boy! He is off limits!

He deserves respect, he needs to know his value. I fear that he will feel abandoned and betrayed not only by his boss, but ultimately by God. More than anything else in this world, I want my children, my own flesh and blood, to know the love of God. I can't bear the thought of spending a lifetime trying to build the kingdom of God, only to see my own kids on the outside.

I know that God had great plans for Joseph, but first he had to be sold into slavery. I know Daniel had to face the lion's den. I know that so often, God has amazing plans that are only fulfilled by first going through what seems like disaster. And so...I am going to hold on. I will hold on for my own sake, and for my son's sake. I will hold on for all the souls at Keystone who do not have a relationship with Jesus. I have a very weak grip right now though, so I am trusting that God is also holding on to me.

Let's See What Prayer Can Do, Part 1

On Sunday I presented a prayer challenge to the church. I passed out small booklets, and asked them to write down 5 names - one of them being someone that has hurt them. Then they are to pray for a blessing for those people for 5 minutes every day, for 5 weeks. Also, I asked them to add the name of one person that we can lead to the Lord. In 5 weeks we will see what God has done. It is a simple thing, but it can also seem silly, or like a gimmick. That is not my intent. What I want is for all of us - myself above all - to stop looking at ourselves and our own circumstances, and to focus on others. I want to live God's word that commands that we love our enemies, and pray for them. And I want the blessings I pray for these people to be blessings that will not benefit me directly, or may in fact cost me.

Chosing the names was difficult, because there are so many more than 5 people I want to be blessed. But I think God brought the right names to the list. I will admit selfishly, I hope at least one person put my name on their list!

Also, starting Monday morning, we began praying before work, asking for help, strength, peace, better attitudes and for relationships in the midst of the stress. Monday it was just CAYA people and Joe. Today, I invited others. We didn't have everyone join us, but it was good to see several people who don't go to church regularly pray. I look forward to seeing what happens through all this.

I am doing better both emotionally and spiritually. Getting back on track with my daily devotions has helped. I am doing my best to lower stress by keeping up with housework so I don't feel overwhelmed when I come home. I bought good groceries - the first time in over 2 months - so my diet is better. I also am getting some exercise. Keith's truck broke down only one short month after we bought it, and we can't afford to replace it right now. So I got a bike. I am riding to and from work twice a day, and I have to admit, I feel better after only a few days of doing it. I still am work ing too many hours, but I have hope of surviving now.

While home sick on Friday, I begged God for relief, for some kind of answer. His answer was brief: Hold on. I don't know if I am holding on until something changes, or until a better job comes along. But this I know - I have to hold on. I have been on the edge of wanting to chuck it all and storm off in a fit. I can't do that, because I will lose more than just a job. I have to hold on, and I have to do it in a way that is pleasing to God.

We are told to do all things without complaining or arguing. Yet that is all I have been doing. I have been sinning, because my selfish desires were not being met. It may be true that these desires are reasonable and in fact necessary. I do need time with my family. I do need time to work on my sermons. I do need time to rest, to cook healthy meals, and just have a life. I do need the deadlines that are threatening to drown me to let up a bit. But complaining all the time and being angry about it is not fixing it. I want to believe my boss cares and is going to do something to help. I am not sure if he even realizes how bad it is. Maybe he does but there is nothing he can do about it yet. I don't know. But I'm going to be praying for my own attitude. I want to please God in all I say and do. My boss is not Jeff King. My boss is God, I want to do my best for Him even if it seems like it is too much for me.

The stress of the deadlines is the biggest problem. It presents a temptation that can be nearly irresistable. Last night, around 9 pm, I realized that though I had 11 cyanide samples on my batch, I only had results for 10. I missed a sample. I will confess with shame that I was seriously tempted to fudge a result for that last sample and turn it in. But instead I chose to please God, to have integrity. I figured out which sample was missed, and took the two and a half hours necessary to run it so I had valid results. It may not seem like much to any honest person. But I'm not that honest. I am a sinner who feels overwhelmed, and very much wanted to take the easy way out in order to lighten the load. Only God's gentle nudge kept me honest this morning.

I have been less critical and angry as well. I won't say I've been perfect. I'm still frustrated by the situation and terrified of what will happen next week when Joe goes on vacation. Tracy is learning some of his stuff to pick up the slack and I'm so very grateful for that. But there is still a chance that I'm going to be completely overwhelmed next week. I need a miracle from God before then. I need Him to completely change how I think, how I react. I need to stop thinking about what I want and how I feel and instead just hold on, as He told me to do. I need to hold on to His love, His presence, His strength, and His promise. This time will end. I just have to hold on.

Online Mentors

Lately, as I have been trying to learn how to be a church planter, I have connected with many potential mentors. There are pastors/leaders I follow on Twitter who post regular blogs with leadership skills. There are church planter organizations that send me newsletters with articles that attempt to teach me how to reach the lost and be a better pastor. There are even some that are constantly trying to sell me books or other resources that surely will make all the difference in our weekly attendance and giving levels. And I am discovering that I'm getting burned out on them.

It's not that anything they are saying or doing is bad. They have great points to make, many of them learned the hard way. I think the reality of my reaction right now is twofold.

1. Most of them are pastors of hundreds, not a dozen. The things they talk about may apply to me someday, or they may apply to me on a lesser scale, but over all we dwell in completely different universes. I don't need to hear how to motivate the masses, or how to corral huge movements. I work in a secular job with about half of my congregation. We are constantly interacting. They see my behavior in real life on a daily basis, and apparently they approve enough to allow me to lead this church. What I crave from these mentors is to know how to hear the voice of God, and how to see Him come meet with our group of 12 in such a powerful way that the room shakes. Don't teach me how to be a better leader or a better speaker. Teach me to know God better!

2. Some of what I am reading is starting to feel like gimmicks. I know this is not the case with most of these men, because I see their character and know that they have proven their mettle. They are trying to take their experiences, many learned the hard way, and teach those of us who follow with simple, easy to remember lists. Their intentions are pure. But in part because of the volume of such posts available and in part because of my natural desire to look for formulas and shortcuts, I find myself looking not for the principles behind the words, but a clear-cut path to success.

It is #2 that scares me.

I suspect this is why Jesus didn't give the disciples - or us - a list of 10 Ways to Be Fishers of Men. Instead He told them to be fishers of men, and then modeled that in His daily life. It is harder to find the "how-to" this way, but it is best. We read the stories of how Jesus was a fisher of souls, and look for how we can do the same today in our context. Most of the time, this takes a lot of thought and prayer. It would be easier to have a checklist of things to do or not to do, but each situation calls for a unique approach.

I do appreciate the many blogs and lessons posted by my online mentors, and I will likely continue to read them. But my reason for reading them has changed. Instead of looking for keys that will help me grow my church, I will be reading them for things that will challenge my character. God will take care of my church, and it will grow or not grow in His will and in His timing.

My attitudes, desires, and my complete submission to God are within my control though. And as I follow those who have gone before, I will depend on their lessons to show me the subtle traps that can allow sin to get in the way of my mission.

And as for those who are constantly trying to sell me something that will produce an instant 20% increase in giving, or 10% more visitors next Sunday - forget it! Devotion to God can't be bought in a program. I'll stick to making disciples the slow and dangerous way.

Cortisone shot

Today I got an epidural cortisone shot for my herniated disk. I started the day with a visit to the doctor. He was really nice. When he learned I was a pastor, he asked me if I get my sermons from the internet. I assured him that I do not - I go straight to the Source! I do use the internet as a research tool, though.

After it was determined that I would indeed have the shot today, I had an hour and a half to wait. I went to the Grinnell hospital to visit a man in my congregation who is a patient, then went with my husband to Hardee's so he could have lunch.

I didn't have to wait too long once I checked in at the hospital. I will admit that time passed more quickly thanks to my new iPad and an episode of NCIS. I didn't have quite enough time to finish the episode before I was taken back to the OR.

The procedure itself went amazingly fast. I laid on my stomach, and the doctor marked the spot on my back. He set up the C arm for the X-ray machine, then numbed that part of my back. That stung a bit, but it wasn't bad. A minute or two later and he began the injection. It took about a minute to get to the right place and inject the steroid. I knew when it was injected because I got an intense headache as it rushed up my spine.

By then it was done. The headache faded a bit as I stood up. I walked myself back to the recovery area, and it was all finished.

I had orders to lay on a bag of frozen peas once I got home. I've been doing that all afternoon and evening, and I have to say I'd make a terrible princess. There were no mattresses between me and the pea, and still I was able to nap just fine! However the headache has gotten steadily worse throughout the evening, and there is a nasty aching feeling from the point of the injection down to my toes. I'm sure it will be better by morning, but sleep may be a difficult thing tonight.

I just read this article while preparing for my Sunday sermon, from the Enhanced Strong's Lexicon:

907 βαπτίζω [baptizo /bap·tid·zo/] verb.1 to dip repeatedly, to immerse, to submerge (of vessels sunk). 2 to cleanse by dipping or submerging, to wash, to make clean with water, to wash one’s self, bathe. 3 to overwhelm. Additional Information: Not to be confused with 911, bapto. The clearest example that shows the meaning of baptizo is a text from the Greek poet and physician Nicander, who lived about 200 B.C. It is a recipe for making pickles and is helpful because it uses both words. Nicander says that in order to make a pickle, the vegetable should first be ‘dipped’ (bapto) into boiling water and then ‘baptised’ (baptizo) in the vinegar solution. Both verbs concern the immersing of vegetables in a solution. But the first is temporary. The second, the act of baptising the vegetable, produces a permanent change.When used in the New Testament, this word more often refers to our union and identification with Christ than to our water baptism. e.g. Mark 16:16. ‘He that believes and is baptised shall be saved’. Christ is saying that mere intellectual assent is not enough. There must be a union with him, a real change, like the vegetable to the pickle! (Bible Study Magazine, James Montgomery Boice, May 1989.)

That is an awesome illustration! Our baptism as Christians has two parts. The first is a water baptism. According to Paul, our baptism unites us with Christ. Some believe that we are actually saved by the act of baptism. I believe the Bible makes it clear that we are saved by faith alone, not works. Therefore, the act of baptism cannot save us.

Others believe that water baptism is a symbol, an outward declaration that we are now believers in Christ. It is symbolic of being cleansed, washed of our sins. I believe this is true. However, I think there is more to this ritual.

The Jews were part of God's chosen people by birth, but each individual (males, anyway), had to enter into that covenant in a formal way.

A covenant is a very serious agreement between two parties, that can never be broken. There are covenants between peers, and a Suzerian covenant that is between a lord or master, and a peasant. In that covenant, the master offers all the benefits, and the peasant offers undying loyalty. There is a ceremony sealing that covenant.

God made such a covenant with Abraham. Part of the ceremonial sealing of this agreement was circumcision. It was a vital part of the drama, and the covenant was not complete without it.

Through Jesus, we have a covenant with God. He makes us His children, and offers us eternal life. We seal that covenant through the act of baptism.

The second part of our baptism is being filled with the Holy Spirit. Jesus told the disciples in Acts 1:4b-5: “Do not leave Jerusalem until the Father sends you the gift he promised, as I told you before. John baptized with water, but in just a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”

I have been pondering the meaning of baptism, and why being filled with the Holy Spirit is called baptism by Jesus. Of course there is the idea that water baptism symbolizes being washed, and the Holy Spirit actually makes us clean on the inside. We are promised that God will actually change our hearts in several places in the Old Testament, including this passage from Ezekiel 11:19-20: ^"And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart, so they will obey my decrees and regulations. Then they will truly be my people, and I will be their God."

But there is another aspect to this baptism that this article I quoted at the beginning helped me to understand.

In water baptism, we are dipped, like the vegetable that is being pickled is dipped into the boiling water. Of course our baptism is permanent, not needing to be repeated. But we can't stay in the water. We may have died to self, but we still have to live! Besides, our toes would get all wrinkled if this water baptism was a constant experience.

But when we are baptized with the Holy Spirit, we are to remain in Him. He is to fill us, and we are to remain filled. Of course there are times when that filling is made new again, refreshed in a sense. But should the Spirit ever leave us, we are in deep trouble.

So Lord, pickle me! I don't mean make me sour! I mean, fill me with Your Holy Spirit, and let it be forever!